So I was reading Dante's Inferno today, and I started thinking about how Hell is represented. There's one perception of hell as this place of punishment where people just suffer forever for some reason. This interpretation doesn't really fall in line with the whole fallen angel story of Satan. I mean, it seems like God could really come in at any time and do whatever he wants in Hell, and it almost seems like Satan is part of "the system". Now there's another interpretation of Hell, that just makes more sense to me, the idea that Hell is a place that is totally separate from God, that is why it is torment and horror, because there is nothing to protect you from all the awful things in the world. The whole ironic punishment aspect of Hell comes in to play because you are being punished for turning your back to God by having Him turn his back to you. I really prefer this interpretation because what it says to me is that as long as you're trying to be a good person, just as long as you try, thereby keeping God in your heart and mind, it will be ok. It has nothing to do with how much you sin, there's no one keeping count of how many times you said the name of God in vain, its all about just being a good person. And you can't define what a good person is, you just know. I mean, when you think about it, how ridiculous is it to try and define that? I think someone who tries to define it by observable data seriously needs to rethink their lifestyle. It's something internal, something that we just know, there are no rules, just guidelines.
    I never quite understood the representation of God as some old dude with a beard. I mean, its just never how I pictured Him. Actually, I've always kind of thought of God as the Sun. I mean, I can't even separate the two concepts really. The sun, I think is as holy to me as God. More so, actually, because I can see, and feel the Sun. And being separated from the Sun is as awful to me as being in Hell. The Sun is the source of life, and yet can take it away. It is our anchor in this vast wasteland of space. Basically, everything used to describe God applies to the Sun. I talk about how people will eventually have to leave Earth, and I do believe we will survive till then, but the idea of leaving our Sun always bothers me. I mean, can you imagine being one of those humans who never sees the sun, never feels it's warmth? I think I would rather stay on a dying planet as long as I can stay with Sun for as long as possible. I would compare it with watching God die, would you really want to live without Him?

Take a moment
If you will
And think about humanity
And remember the bonds that bind us
All of us

Take a moment to remember
That first cavemen to see a stick burning
A tiny flame
And breathe life into it
Raise it like his child,
Then grasp this stick by the end,
And feel its warmth
And declare it to be holy
So that ages later a burning bush
Is still magical.

Remember the person
Who first dipped his hands into the earth on a riverbed
And held it in his palms cupped like a beggars,
His eyes wide as though the clay were gold
Because it wasn't,
And he knew he could do so much with it
Remember the clay itself,
That has given more to us than gold ever has.

Remember the warrior
Who dressed in steel skin
So he could forget that his enemy was human
And that he was too.
And with shaking legs and pulse racing
Plunged cold cruel steel into his reflection
And watched a face just like his scream, cry,
And become numb and motionless in death.
And at last, when he finds himself standing with no more humans to kill
He searches for his friends over the crowded ground
To bury them.

Remember the child
Who thousands of years ago
Sat by the sea with salty water licking at his feet
And gazed out and wondered if the water ever ended
And what lies beyond it.
Then, distracted by sudden warmth as a cloud moves from the sun
Looked to his naked feet,
And feeling the tingle of wet sand between his toes
Dug his hands in, and started to pile a mound
And called it a castle,
And as the sun descended
Coloring the sky like an artist spilling paints,
Watched the tide come in and destroy his creation
His tears setting a precedent for the creations
Of so many children, and so many adults.

And now,
After thinking about all the
Men and women
And children and lovers
And liars and poets
And soldiers and peacemakers
And all the mothers and fathers
And grandmothers and grandfathers
And aunts and uncles and cousins
And all the other people who made the world what it is today
Who forged the good and the bad from their souls
With the earth as their anvil
And their will and time as their tools,
I want you to think about that one person

I want you to think of him standing with the last of humanity
All holding hands together, finally at peace
And honestly and truly all loving each other,
On a planet far far away.
And though they speak many languages,
And look different from one another,
They will hum a simple song,
As the watch the last star in the sky
Flicker, and die, like so many fires before it
And they will remember all the people that came before them
And will not mourn them
But instead will be happy knowing that they had survived
And had a chance walk on ground
And breathe the air
And love each other.
And that was enough for them.

Some things that happened today:
1. Realized that im only chapter away from finishing the Aeneid so i can actually write the essay due mon
2. The hot girl in my cs class partnered up with me on the mini-project due friday and friended me on facebook (Le score!!!)
3. Cell phone buttons spontaneously stopped working when hot cs girl called me to give me her number (cuz we're partnering)
4. Got 29/36 on biz exam (which is really bad cuz its 0.5 points under the average and the class is curved)
5. Got 20/20 on biz essay (which is unbelievably good cuz the average is 15.3)
6. Realized I have jury duty in six days and desperately tried to defer it, seeing as you can only do it if youre six or more days from the summons   date
7. Saw a japanese show on youtube where the premise of the show is that a hardcore gay guy (Hard Gay) interviews people for stuff.
8. Fixed my phone by hitting it against my thigh (seriously, how do electronics get fixed like that? no moving parts)
9. Put a post on livejournal that is not a story (wtf, mate?)

    Once upon a time, there was an old woodsman living by a road. His wife had died a few years back so he lived alone. But he was not lonely, for every so often a weary traveler would come by his cabin in the middle of the night and he would always have room by the fire. Jack was a simple man. He enjoyed hunting and fishing and even kept a small garden of vegetables. However, his favorite activity was carving wood. He would make all sorts of things, toys, statues, chairs, even spoons and forks. And whenever a traveler came by, Jack would always say goodbye by giving them one of his pieces, and no one ever left his home without a smile on their face.
    Now one day, as the sun was setting and the sky began to turn rosy, Jack was chopping some wood for kindling by the road, when he noticed an awful chill in the air. The wind picked up and it was so cold he could barely hold his axe with his fingers going numb.
    "Whew," he said, wiping the cold sweat from his brow ,"I'd better stop before I hurt myself. Ive got to get inside." Just then, he noticed a young man walking down the road towards him. He was a strange young man, wearing a dark fur coat and boots, his long blond hair wiping around wildly. Indeed, it seemed like the wind was spinning around him. It was so cold that puddles in his path seemed freeze solid and a pale mist covered everything close enough to him. The trees on either side of him turned white as if covered by snow. Still more frightful were his eyes, he did not seem to blink. He only stared blankly forwards, his face lacking any expression. Jack was very afraid. Still, he could not ignore a youth simply because he was strange, especially not with nightfall only an hour or so away.
    He called out, "Hello there young man."
    The youth continued to walk expressionless and unmoved.
    "I say, nightfall is coming, would you like to spend the night here?"
    By now, the cold was nearly unbearable and it only worsened as the youth approached. Suddenly, he stopped. "You will invite a stranger who carries the very cold of Frigido with him into your home?" He asked, still unblinking. His voice was harsh. Suddenly the cold seemed to let up a bit.
    "You look weary, traveler. Tell me, what is your name?" asked Jack, gathering the wood.
    "I am Justice, and though I am weary, I cannot spend the night."
    "Well, you can certainly come in for a cup of tea, you sound a bit under the weather," said Jack, motioning for him to follow. Just then, Justice coughed horribly and for a moment his eyes closed. In the distance, far from what Jack could hear, a high-pitched scream pierced the air.
    "I suppose, some tea may soothe my cough, for at least a bit. But I'm afraid the cold will ruin your home."
    "Nonsense, I will simply put on a fire and all will be well, now come in."
And he did not lie, he made such a fire as he had never made before, so blazing that the flames even hovered out of the chimney, and the cabin was not too cold. Jack started preparing the pot.
    "You know, they say Justice is blind but you appear to see just fine"
    "Ah, if only to have such bliss. No, being Justice is a far more difficult fate. I must keep my eyes wide open always to see the crimes people commit. I wander endlessly over the globe so that all the guilty can feel the sting of cold Justice. In my presence men, women, and children, all fall to their knees in terror and call out. Some call to their fathers, some to their mothers, and some to God, but only the warmth of their own hearts will protect them. And I must watch always, for every time my eyes close, the Shades come out from their hiding places and strike chaos. I can never sleep for when my eyes closed I am deafened by screams and I choke on the smell of blood and tears staining the earth."
    "Such a tragic fate, what brought this on to you my friend?" asked Jack.
    "God spawned me long ago, when first men found the need to hurt each other. It was he that cursed my eyes, to be stung by winds day and night, my throat to be torn to shreds by the ghastly cold that surrounds me. He wanted to be able to look into my eyes, which always show truth, so that he could truly be all-knowing. But soon, the truth was too much even for him, and I have not seen him since. No one looks into my eyes now. I myself fear it too much to look into a mirror. I can't even remember what color they are."
    "I'm very sorry. That's a sad fate to bear."
    "But bear it I must. As I am immortal, I will bear it for eternity. After all, what would happen without Justice?"
    Jack set down a hot ceramic cup of tea before Justice, and smiled. But Justice only stared at it.
    "Come on now, have a sip," laughed Jack. Justice slowely reached toward it and as soon as he touched it the cup broke to pieces spilling the tea all over the table.
    "I'm sorry, I'm too cold. I should go," said Justice, standing up.
    "No," said Jack, standing in front of the door, "I've invited you to ease your burden, and so I shall do." He ran over to a dusty wooden cupboard an reached in. He pulled out a beautifully crafted wooden cup and poured in some tea. It was adorned with carefully shapen flowers and two lovers in a loving embrace. He handed it to Justice. Nervously, Justice took it. It steamed, but held together. Justice pressed the cup to his lips and drank.
    "Ahh, thank you Jack, " he said, "Thats such a relief. And this is such a beautiful cup too."
    "You like it? I made it for my wife a long time ago."
    "Your wife was a good woman. She was always so quick to lend a helping hand."
    "Yes, I miss her often. We never had any children, but we were always enough company for one another. Sometimes I wish to know what awaits beyond the grave. "
    "Many have foolishly peered into my eyes in hopes of finding out. Piety follows me. He wishes so dearly to know the truth so that he may see God, and does not even realize She blinds him."
    "Don't worry, I am not so foolish to peer at that which God himself turned away from."
    "It's nice to find a wise man. For your wisdom I will give you some advice. An old cripple and a young girl will follow in my footsteps. Do as you wish with the old man, but you must not play with the child nor drink from her cup. And now, I must continue on my travels." So said Justice, standing up. He set the cup down on the table, studying it for a moment for its beauty.
    Jack saw his glance, and smiled. "I want you to keep it."
    "I cannot, it belonged to your loved one."
    "I insist, it is better that a cup be used than kept in a dusty cupboard. Keep it close, and it will keep you warm when the winds howl around you. "
    "Thank you, my friend," replied Justice, and smiled for the first time in ages. He bowed and dissappeared into the dark of the night.
   
   
   To be continued...
   
   

ok, so i think ive finally figured out the basic story lines for all the characters. Please notice that  I havent come up with names yet, which is why this may be a little awkward to read, but ill figure that out eventually.

Soldier
Comes from a different species that lives in the desert. His entire people are known for their incredible skill as warriors. However, the training is so intense that only the uniformely great survive. That is, pretty much all the warriors of his people are about equally matched, so no one of them can take on more than one at a time for long. His people are seperated into tribes, and even more fragmented as they are hired as mercenaries by different groups. It is part of their culture to never turn down an order to fight another warrior, even if he is a friend hired by an opposing group. However, they face severe discrimination. No member or this species has ever achieved a rank higher than officer in the army. The soldier (in this paragraph will be called W) has an older brother (B). They are both in the army. W is very quiet and introverted. B insists (sometimes violently) on getting respect and progressing his people. B is a higher rank and is friends with a colonel. When the Emperor (E) attacks, the colonel entrusts B to deliver a magic sword (The Deathgate) to the most High Master Wizard at the university because he could potential use it to stop the invasion and possibly kill the E. However, before he can leave, B is struck by an ice arrow (one of E's attacks is to rain ice arrows). He dies in S's arms. At that point S has a choice. He can either 1)Use the Deathgate to go into the underworld to bring his brother back, or 2)Forget his grief and take the the Deathgate the High Master Wizard.

1) S stabs the sword into the ground and is teleported into the spirit world. It is an exact copy of the living world, only you cannot see anything living, there are only spirits. Some are still in the midst of battle, not realizing that they are dead. There is a huge mass of energy in the distance, it is E. Most of the spirits are being herded towards the ocean and other bodies of water Reapers on flying chariots. E sees B's spirit going into the water and dissappearing. He follows. Diving into the water causes him to come out onto the bank of the river Styx. The underworld appears to be like an enormous cave. Everything is visible, but there is no light source. There is a mass of spirits there, waiting away from the bank is a staircase leading towards a seeming outside. Following it leads to a seemingly endless desert. A disturbed, dreadlocked, huddled figure shakes against the walls of the entrance whispering  "For one hundred years I walked through that desert, dying of thirst for 100 years, and finally i find an oasis and jump in...and...and...and im right back here...one hundred years...." S sees B getting on the boat with Charon. He follows into the depths of the underworld. He finds B and must defeat reapers, then Cerberus, and finally Charon to return. He comes out into the desert and holding B, returns to the world of the living, sharing his body with B. They come out on an Island in the middle of the bay. They make their way across this island, which is cursed by trapped spirits, who cannot go anywhere because the island is surrounded by water. Luckily, the Deathgate does not just cut flesh, but actual spirit energy. In the distance, the Clouded City is smoking and the rumble of marching is heard as the E's army begins to march across the bridge. There is no way for S to get the Deathgate to the High Master Wizard in time. They continue to shore.

There were three me walking on a dirt road. They came to a large bay and sat down on a fallen log and looked out over the water and at the birds swimming peacefully. There was one with dark hair who brought the bread and nectar, and one who was tall with orange hair and glasses who brought the mushrooms, and one with blond hair who brought only himself, and that was enough. They split what they had into three meals, and they each held one. The one with blond hair asked if they were ready, and they said yes and all three bit in. When they were finished they continued along the path and came to a hilly place covered in grass. They climbed to the top of the highest hill so that they were above all the others in the area so they could see it all. The one with dark hair said that music would be nice, and the other two agreed, so there was music. They sang and danced and soon they began to laugh. The one with blond hair could hardly walk so he fell to the ground and found it welcoming, he could hardly tear himself from it. And the laughter brought them into another world.

So lately, my sex drive has grown a ridiculous amount, for no fucking reason. I was happy feeling nothing. I mean, it was just nice for things to be simple, even if they were a bit dull. Ugh, this would have come in real handy about a week ago when the great awkwardness happened. Anyways, even though I'm attracted to all these girls now, I'm afraid that as soon as I start flirting my drive will go poof and I'll just be stuck in another fuckin stupid situation. I should just stay cross- faded constantly. Haha, at least that will give me some consistency. I can't even keep up with my own feelings anymore. Majorly lame. The following paragraph relates to this one.

In other news, this one girl way back from Russian summer camp found me on facebook. It's just the damnedest thing. I never thought I'd see her again and wow, shes a hotty. If memory serves me right, I believe we were "dating" even though I don't think we ever actually dated. I'm pretty sure it was the first of my many failed relationships. I think I might still have her break up letter. I'm gonna go check. Damn, couldn't find it. Of course, with my memory I can't even be sure that it ever actually existed. But I really feel like it did. Hopefully it's just hiding somewhere in my piles and piles of random stuff and I didn't throw it away. I really want to catch up with her but I'm pretty nervous about it. I feel like I've kinda digressed as a person. I mean, back then I was totally straightedge and read all the time. Now I'm....different. Something tells me she'll look down on drug use. Maybe she drinks though. Hmm. I dunno. I guess I'm just afraid that if start talking to her it will force me to realize how I've changed and I don't want to be disappointed. Ralph encouraged me to go for it anyways, and I think he's right. Who knows, maybe it will turn into something great.

More other news. My dad got paid! This could concievably mean that Mom will clear out after all. Maybe I'll have my fantasy dorm after all. I hope Jamshi will still want to roommate if things go as planned. Crossing my fingers for a better future.

As promised, I'm going to take this opportunity to write about that game that I'm currently obsessed with making. I don't know why I get so caught up in these things, I guess it's just my nature. Haha, Jacob could tell about that one. Anyways, the basic scenario is warcraft-esque. There is an powerful sorceror-emperor whose armies are conquering your homeland. Although there are several different groups living in the area, you all team up to fight the common threat. You chose one of like 4 characters, and you can customize them to be male or female, with like 3 different skin tones. I'm thinking the main characters will be an elf/archer, soldier, sorcerer, and berserker. Pretty classic. You could also unlock a few characters. I'm thinking a sprite(hovering, nearby teleportation, and invisibility), a hermit (nature-based sorcery), and possibly an elemental that starts out evil. All of this has been done before. However, I believe this game can be outstanding because each character has a different set of missions, although sometimes they team up, and they can make choices on what missions to take. Furthermore, in many of the missions, you can fail and continue the game by taking the next logical step. In other missions however, failure means death.  The different characters are actually so different that game play between them is totally different. All of the main characters can become evil if they make the right choices. For example, the soldier actually starts out in the original city that gets invaded. He is the only one except for the sprite who gets to see the initial attack. That is essentially like most war games. The sorceror might eventually become a dragon-rider, and for the rest of the game thats how you play with him. So thats like a flying game. The elf has a zoom option that increases as he gets stronger. This is primarily a shooting game. The sprite is mainly a spy game. You have to avoid being detected. The berserker mainly tries to increase his own strength. He has the option of slaying the same dragon that the sorceror may be able to ride for armor. Things like that allow you to affect the other characters profoundly.  What I mean is, most of the choices are two-sided, playing as the character, you can make particular choice, but as a different character you can make that same character make that same choice by what you do. All of the story lines intertwine and affect each other. Because of the complications of having realistically differing characters, the game is much more interesting and has a lot more possibilities than a classic fantasy game. A single character could have maybe 7 different paths to take. Anyways, tell me what you think, my loyal audience.

So one of the reasons I created this livejournal account was to record all the varying ideas of varying sanity that I come up with. Starting off, I'm gonna do an honest critique of the Funky Bus concert I attended last night. Basically, I think they have a really good sound and they are all very skilled, but they definetly have a ways to go if they want to play like the pros. Most of the problems seem to stem from the trouble of balancing the different instruments. This is bound to happen when you have that many skilled musicians playing together, but they really need to work on it if they want to grow as a band. The problem shows itself through superfluous amounts of solos, lacking in some instruments that brings the rest down, and general lack of harmony between different instruments. My suggestions for Funky Bus:
1) Get more singers and make voice a more consistent part of the show. Remember that vocals are an instrument too, but one singer can't match up in volume with all those instruments.
2) Listen to some music outside of your style together. It feels like your songs are to similar to each other. It almost seemed like they followed a consistent pattern of part 1, part 2, two solos, last part, break, loud noise at the end. Listen to totally different music styles as a group and discuss what you like to bring more creativity to life. Furthermore, I suggest you listen closely to your own cd and talk about what you didn't like.
3) Get over your egos. Yes, you are all great musicians, but that doesn't mean that you need solos in every song. Focus more on the overall composition of the music than on each musician getting a fair share of the action. Don't get me wrong, in some of the songs it works fantastically. I believe I recall a particularly brilliant addition of a sax solo in your version of The Weight. However, that's only because it worked with the song.
Once again, I believe that this is a very skilled group and that with some work it can become immensely successful. I don't even know if they want to keep playing, but in that case I don't understand the point of coming out with a cd. I encourage you all to continue what you're doing.

Ok, that was a lot. um, I'm pretty tired of this and I've got homework to do, but just so that I remember, Adam mentioned a card game that me, lev, adam, and jacob were coming up with. It's about creating a conversation out of word cards, sort of like apples to apples, and you get awkwardness points or something. I'll have to discuss this with the boys, but now that I think about it, it could be a pretty fun game. Next time I log on, I'll try to write about that computer game I've plotting for like a month.

although i dont have enough time to post for realz today, i have decided to start a quote list, where i will post humourous things people have said.

today's quote is from kevin in reference to a video game from aim. i will also post one from a similar conversation years ago.

    Well, today was a good day, got that computer thing taken care of. Check this, so back in the day my brother broke his laptop by like erasing the operating system. So yesterday, my mom finally gets it fixed and brings it home. She tells me the the folks at the shop told her to install this cd inside of the computer. It has two options: install each program individually, or return the computer to its pre-installed mode. After consulting with both my uncle the computer programmer and my brother (who already made this mistake, sorta-definetly wasnt his fault this time) i decide to go for it and do the pre-install thing. About 45 minutes in, it says "cannot read file" so i try again. Nothing gives. My mom gets pissed that i broke the computer that she just got fixed. As it turns out, the guys at the shop probably told her not to install it cuz its what fucked up the computer in the first place. Luckily there was a warranty so it didnt cost anything this time around, but wtf mate? Whateva, its done with.
    Got to spend some time with Kevin and the high schoolers today. Plus I had a Fred sandwich, thats always a good thing. Unless you're not hungry, in that case it could end badly...Hmm, what else did i do? Painting class was fun, we were doing self-portraits. I'm kinda worried cuz the skin tone ended up being pretty abstract if you catch my drift. I think it'll be ok. I swear, it took me an hour just to find a tolerable basic tone. I don't know what the actual lingo is, but thats what i'm going to call it. I thought it looked pretty sweet though. The eyes turned out pretty good, of course no comparison for the real thing. My eyes are definetly my best feature, including my personality. Even my username is mildly influenced by them.
    I'm so bad with skin tones. Like the landscape we did, I had almost no problems picking colors, I just went into my art trance and it was fine. Skin tones on the other hand, I just don't get them. I wonder if it has anything to do with my psychology. Like maybe cuz I don't really look at people. That sounds wierd. I mean, I see that they exist, but it doesn't get much farther than that. I mean, even when I look in the mirror, as I was in this case, it's so hard for me to keep focus on what I actually look like. It's hard to explain, I just feel like theres more there than I'm seeing. Maybe theres something up with my eyes. Crazy.